Fat to Fit to Fabulous

Some of my family members participated in an AMAZING RACE-type event in Utah over this last weekend where they were driving around Utah County for 2 days doing all sorts of challenges and event from canoeing to climbing a rock wall to an ice cream eating contest. They came in 3rd place!! Whoo-hoo!! But, alas, as they watched some of the video footage they decided that they needed to do more canoeing and less ice cream-eating! :)

Not obese by any mean, but still wanting to get fit and FABULOUS, my brother issued a challenge to all of us yesterday and the emails and dialogue that followed was just too funny and inspiring (and tongue-twisting) that it had to be shared with the world!! :) It's kind of long, but worth it...

BRANDON:
OK fam. Here’s the deal. In the Race All Night competition that we did yesterday, I was the first to get winded, and I couldn’t even climb up a third of the rock climbing wall! That’s pathetic! I’m twice the man I was, and only half the man I used to be!! (think on that for a while)

I refuse to drag the Allred name through the mud any longer! When people think of Allreds, they think of sleek, chiseled, strong, fit bodies and minds! OK, well maybe that’s not true…but it should be!!

Therefore, I hereby declare my intention to Blast the Blubber!!! I am publicly committing to run a min-triathlon scheduled on September 6, 2008 (http://sandy.utah.gov/government/parks-and-recreation/special-events/triathlon.html) That’s just over three months away. It’s swim 400 meters, bike 9 miles, and then run a 5k. I’ve biked and run that far before, but the swimming will be a challenge. Steph, I’ll need some coaching!

I invite all the Allreds and their spouses or friends to join me in my quest to Blast the Blubber!! Together, we will eradicate the foul filth of fat from our collective frames! We will tumble the tall towers of tubbiness! We will cleanse our corpulent cores! We will…we will… um…I just noticed I was standing outside in my undies pumping my fists and shouting to the neighborhood…

…ok the cops have left and I’m ready to continue. If you want to join in, please respond and we can work out how to go about this. If you don’t want to do the triathlon, that’s fine. We each have our own goals. I just know that I’m more successful at these type of things when I’m working with a group of people with a goal in mind. I learned that in the Race yesterday. Go Team Allred!!

So, enough of that. Get back to me, and lets have a great summer!

Brandon, the Blaster of Blubber, the Bain of Bouncy Bellies, the Benefactor of Beautiful Bodies, the….oops I hear sirens. Gotta go…

p.s. Kristi, if you want to participate, your state of un-juxtaposition shouldn’t be a barrier. We can coordinate our quest, cross-country.

Logan went from laughing to...Lord of the Rings?

All Acclaim and Adoration to the Adept Ace and Allred Authority of Awesome Advanced Alliteration!!

Brodo Not-So BaggyPants, I Logalas will join the Fellowship of the Fit. You have my Cross(Bow)-Trainers.

I will fight the Orcs of Obesity to travel deep into the Land of MorDormant to Mount Dumpy and destroy the One large Ring around our waist.

Logan

Childhood nicknames (no matter how cruel and ironic) were brought out...

Fatty Friends and Fellow Fluffiness Unite!

Lork the Dork that Pigs out with a Fork is putting her fork down! I resolve to no longer bring the rolls to the table!

I'm in!

Lori

Couples started getting in on the fun together!

I Ruler Ryneeten Ryroo, Duke of the Double Chin, Prince of Portly, King of the Couch, Sir Stout himself will join my fellow gallant paladins on this quest. I have watched our video of our race and have seen the proof spoken of. These things need to be vanquished in such a way that they will never return. If we can fight for all that is holy and conquer our flabs, flatten our tires, and be rid of our pear shaped corpses we will be unstoppable. We must do this for all Allreds across the world to show that we can and WILL be fit, while still being able to keep our good name and our tradition of, while limiting it, eating ice cream!!

My Redhead Regina, Matriarch of Megan (& Emily), Dutchess of Desserts, and Queen of Quizno’s has vowed to stand at my side and fight for the collective good of our souls in reducing their overall mass, increasaing lung capacity, and easing the deliverance of future posterity (no we aren’t). She too will stand tall and refuse the rubbish that has so long plagued our pioneers to create the new bloodline of Stalwart, Mighty, Lean, and Powerful posterity.

The ultimate in tongue-twisting...

To the True Trend-setters of the Allred Tear-it-up Team:

I commit to curve my tedious tendencies of teething on tacos and triglycerides! This Savage will no longer sweat while swimming, tire at tennis or heave during health class. Today I make a truce to join this tycoon of triathlon trainers and follow the trail of tininess! None will ever tell the tale of this Savage teetering at the tempting table of tastiness if it means jeopardizing my taut traces of muscled tendons.

Anyways, I'm in.

Steph

I couldn't let another email fly without jumping in on all the fun...

The Beacons of Blubber have been lit by Master Pepperoni (Pippin)! Gorgeousness has called and our Rotund Rumps will answer!! We will join you in your quest to quash the quagmire of cottage-cheese and ban the bane of our beauty: our buxom behinds! Soon our slender, svelt stems will spin on the sleek surface of our surfboards upon the Seas!! Mourn not, my massive menage`, though the murderous mileage may seem far... we will muster our muscles and make the migration to Mecca! (even if only in spirit) Alas, we avow our allegiance to Allred!

Kristi